Category Archives: Sensuality

Healthy Relationships That Lead To Much More…

Going beyond yourself…when healthy relationships are a starting point…

A few weeks ago I wrote, in relatively vivid detail, about an Out Of Body (obe) experience that I was thrust into at the tender age of 18.  It was an experience that altered my perception of life.  For the past couple of weeks I’ve been writing about the idea of healthy relationships — a emotional and intimately personal endeavor that began when the pain of staying the same became greater than the discomfort often associated with intentional transformation.

Could it be, that for the past three weeks I’ve been paving way for what I’m about to share with you here an now?  Would you believe that by repairing the relationship you have with yourself could lead to healthy relationships in just about all aspects of your life — and more?  From a personal perspective, I tend to think that when someone works on the relationship they have with themselves by facing that which causes you to suffer- and staying with it (the pain) long enough to embrace the feelings you run from, you end up healing that which causes you to ail. From personal experience, I feel that process paves way for healthy relationships with others, on all levels.

While the idea of healthy relationships isn’t rocket science…I never, not in this lifetime, would have guessed what intense erotic energy coupled with a healthy relationship could deliver…

Before, however, I go any further into the process of sharing with you another experience that has caused me to abandon much of what I thought I knew about life (and especially limitations) – A disclaimer, of sorts is in order.  Prior to the evening I had my out of body experience, the idea of such Healthy Relationshipsa thing hadn’t even entered my thought process.  It was random.  Unpredictable.  As with many of the experiences I think a person has in life, what I’m about to explain was also a completely unpredictable experience, that in no way, could I plan to replicate.  I’ve had a handful of experiences in my life that many would consider paranormal, or outside of the comfort zone of what our society at large, considers acceptable.  None of those experiences were planned.  They all happened completely on their own timeline — as if guided by a hand that has remained unseen in this world, which we tend to think of as tangible and real.

For those of you who are wondering why I would bring such a disclaimer up, it’s pretty simple.  Mystical, paranormal, out of body, near death experiences, or anything else you could think to call an experience that pierces the veil of the known in this world — is a process that happens on it’s own.  They can’t be planned — and for the most of us, they simply don’t happen at will.  So just because I took a certain amount to steps and ended up going somewhere I didn’t plan on, doesn’t mean that what I experienced is a road map, etched in concrete, for others seeking similar experiences.

That being stated…what I’m have to share is a detailed experience I had, in which sexual energy acted as a catalyst to pierce the veil of the normal world — taking me on a wild journey that was exactly as if, I were at two places at the same time.  Unlike the out of body experience, I had an awareness that I was going on a journey — and when it got a bit to strange for me (the point where I got scared) I was able to make my way back to the area of being here now, in this world.

Now, for a detailed account, of one of the most “kinky” nights of my entire life.

Living in South Florida, it rarely gets really cold.  Last winter was no exception.  It was January 11th, 2011 — and I had vowed to start the year off in a memorable way.  Most notably, I had become determined to accept life on life’s terms without becoming frustrated (too much) by the aspects of life that I didn’t think were going my way.  Namely, the woman whom I had been expressing my interest in for close to two years, didn’t seem interested in me in the way I was her, and I was finally at peace with letting go and moving on.  Life, however, had other plans for me.

More than likely, I had gone to a yoga class earlier that day and decided I was going to take it easy that night.  My roommate (the woman I have been discussing) called me to let me know she was on her way home and wondered where I was — as well as what my plans were.  I told her that I was home…upon which she replied I had better stay put because she was on her way and had something to tell me.  I knew where she was earlier that night, which was a place I didn’t personally approve of — nor did I care for the company she was in, but that was not really my place to let her know these personal opinions.  I just accepted what she had to say and agreed to be home.  Shortly after the phone conversation commenced, the door opened and there she was — looking as beautiful as ever.

Just the sight of her was enough to set off a certain set of reactions within, and that night was no different, in that aspect.  What was different, however, was the shy (which she isn’t at all) grin and demeanor she coyly floated my way while starting a conversation laced with sexual innuendos of sorts.  This bait, of course, was something I simply couldn’t resist, so I decided to engage in the conversation — with more than a casual curiosity, just to see what might happen.  That, however, didn’t get too far.  I was abruptly told, with the tone of an angry school teacher, to “Shut Up Paul” pretty much, as soon as I started talking.  Entertained (as I like that kind of role play with certain people) I decided not to even entertain the thought of an argument…

Soon after, we were embracing — holding each other close.  Both of us were completely dressed.  She had her face tightly buried in my shoulder and we were simply holding each other.  As I was holding her, smelling her, feeling her warmth — I was also becoming more and more aware of the sensations stirring within.  The familiar sexual fire I had often felt and associated with her was back again.  But this time it was different.  Strange.  She wouldn’t look at me.  She wouldn’t talk to me, and I sensed that she too, was feeling the same sexual electricity that I was.  We gravitated towars the couch so we could lay down….

Once on the couch, it was more of the same.  We were holding each other, not saying anything, not kissing, not fondling, not undressing — not that much more than just holding.  What many could think of as a peculiar and somewhat torturous encounter.  To me, the common (if such a thing exists) sexual encounter follows a somewhat linear path.  It starts with interest, communication, more interest, desire, feeling sexual, holding, touching — then some kissing, clothing coming off and then you know the rest of the story.

Point being, in those linear encounters, usually, a mutual feeling (gives the take charge person) the cue to initiate action, taking things one step at a time until orgasm has been reached.  The experience I was having, that night was quite different.  There was definitely desire, sensation and sexual energy stirred up — but there wasn’t a physical progression.  We were just holding each other and staying on the couch, moving with the energy and feelings.  Internally, things were most certainly progressing, so to speak.  Externally, on the other hand, there was very little that seemed to be happening – and every time I made a motion or went to speak I was told, with an impish (and mischievous) tone -”No.”

Being as such, I decided to let go of any further attempts to control or guide the experience in the conditioned way I had grown to expect encounters in which sexual feelings between mutual partners to go. Simply stated, I was just going to go with the flow – to the best of my ability.  So…I decided to close my eyes and let the sensations within my body go on a journey all by themselves, much like what I had discovered how to do in the Soulistic Touch erotic meditation that I shared about, in detail, previously.

Well.  That’s when “things” started to get a bit uncommon.  One of the things I figured out how to do in the process of “Soulistic Touch” was learning how to “ride” feelings, utilizing the energy gererated from erotic sensation, to internally open up an entirely new landscape.  Based on my initial experience, I had discovered that erotic energy, when magnified enough, could create the sensations of “energetic orgasm” within the body.  More specifically, I learned that in order for that to happen, it helped to allow the body to behave on it’s own accord, moving as it felt fit, in the moment, from one moment to the next.

As I decided to let go and go with the flow, I also decided that I was going to allow my body to move rhythmically with the feelings I was experiencing and to just close my eyes and let whatever was going to unfold just unfold as it would.  As I loosened up and let myself move, as if I were making love, the first thing that happened was an intensification of erotic energy.  Somehow, that night, there did not seem to be a roof on sensation…

Next, I was feeling a strange tightness in the area in my forehead that “those in the know’ would consider to be the “third eye” — it was a tightness that coincided with the erotic energy I was feeling.  At that point, I was squinting my facial muscles because the feelings were more intense than I was accustomed to and that seemed to be the most natural way to handle it.  When things did not subside I felt that eventually, something, I wasn’t quite certain what, would have to give…

Exactly how what happened next happened, I don’t quite know, as the how, is a bit hazy.  What I do remember (as a kick off the the “real” experience) is becoming alarmed to say something along the lines of “What are you doing?!” only to get the answer “What are you talking about?” in response.  Well, being as verbal communication was useless, I went back into the feelings and visions I had started having.  The feeling was that I was partially in the room, in embrace and mostly, consciously at least, in another place.

In detail, I “saw” an old hand made wooden table that hadn’t been stained or treated with anything.  I was standing on a rouge wood floor in an old, stone house in what appeared to be, the kitchen.  Outside, tied up, there were a couple of horses.  Somehow I got the idea that the horses were used for transportation, and this place I was having a vision of was in a time before the time and space the physical body I occupy now, was situated.

In that vision I was making love with a brunette woman who was dressed (partially) in what I could only consider an old, somewhat plain, full dress with a white collar and cuffs around the wrists.  I could feel her.  I loved her very much, and the I was not the me I am in today.  The I was a guy who came from a different place, in a different time with a different look.  Oddly enough, though, we were somehow surprisingly connected in a way I was not familiar with that seemed perfectly natural.  I was aware of his presence, and what he was doing (making love) as if I were him, and he was aware of my presence, and what I was doing, as if, he were me.  Then on another thought, I felt that I realized — that somehow, I had pierced some sort of veil with erotic energy that this person I was seeing, also pierced through, with  sexual energy.

I was in a place that didn’t have time.  For all I knew, (it was possibly a figment of my imagination) this person I was experiencing in this vision had physically died a long time ago, but the place that we had both tapped into was a place in which time, as we think we know it, simply doesn’t exist.

I was kind of wierded out at that point.  I knew what I was doing, but that vision was too real to be part of my imagination.  It was nothing like a daydream.  It was more like reality.  Yet, I knew where I was and what I was doing.  I think the way I was responding was sending a message of fear to my other half (of the experience) and again, I was told to just go with it.

That’s when things started to get really strange:

Already in an altered space, it was pretty easy for me to continue to have visions  and go deeply back into the space where I had been.  Mind you, physically, we were, still just in embrace.  Then there was a period of travel.  It was night, and it was as if I were floating through the air.  The sky was black with clouds and I could make out images of what seemed to be pyramids.  Beyond the pyramids was what I construed to be a group of people, who came into my mind more like a force.  This force, however made even the darkest of dark nights feel safe.  It was all knowing.  It was genius.  It was ancient and modern at the same time and it was (is) a force that has manifested people who walk among us here on Earth, today, in this world we all share.

They were aware of my presence.  I attempted to hide and become preoccupied by focusing on other things, but to no avail.  They knew I was there and they were directly addressing me.  I made reference to a person in my life whom I feel epitomizes a science that, if good and holy existed, exemplified that, but I was directly told they are not interested in that person.

Before I go further, so you, the reader don’t just assume that I’m bat shit crazy at this point, I feel it important to communicate that I simply cannot think of any choice of words, to use, to accurately describe that part of the experience.  It was very real, and the communication that seemed to be transpiring was more on a level of knowing — which is much different than communicating with another person by using your voice to talk.  Of course, you are going to draw what ever conclusion you choose, but I just want to do what I can to clarify this event was internal, vivid, and as seemingly real as it was, it was largely expressed in symbolism.

That being said – and me feeling completely exposed to a dark force that was just as clever as the “light” (perhaps two sides of the same coin) I became fearful.  I was kind of certain my own death was Healthy Relationshipsnot far away and I began to mentally prepare.  It was that intense.

Becoming noticeably shaken, opening my eyes, I became quite questionable of what my partner was doing to me.  I didn’t know where she was, what journey she was on, but I knew things were wild beyond what I felt comfortable communicating with her at that point.

We both sat up.  I must have looked like a fawn in the headlights, as there was no hiding my uncertainty about everything that seemed to be.  She was then holding me and I put my head in her lap.  She started rubbing my forehead and again, I went internally, into a completely different space.  I was in a room that was seemingly ancient.  It was underground that the walls were made of stone.  Somehow, I had the impression it was a room underneath a pyramid.  There was an intricate circle carved into the floor and on the inside of the circle there was a series of detailed geometrical patterns.  They traced the inside of the circle.  Inside of that, there was another circle.  Inside of that circle, there seemed to be two triangles intersecting each other.  Again, there seemed to be beings in this room with me.  They too, seemed to surpass the hands of time.  It was a place that simply was.  Beyond time and beyond what’s here now.  Somehow, I had the inclination I was to be initiated in some strange way.  I felt a jewel was being placed (implanted) into my forehead that that I was I was being softly spoken to as though I were a newborn child.

Once again, the whole thing became a bit overwhelming to me and I, that time, had had it.  I sat up and looked my partner in the eyes quite directly and ask her what she was doing.  Looking at me as if I were crazy, she calmly told me, in between innocent giggles, that I looked like a baby and she was soothing me.  At that stage, I just didn’t know what to think.  I didn’t know where she had been — and I was, to say the least, ultra sensitized.  Everything was magnified.  Touch, smell, sound, thought and overall feeling.  It was so real.  In so many ways, it was challenging for me to grasp in any sense what was happening.

On one hand, it was an experience no less significant than the out of body experience I had had earlier on in my life — while on the other hand — it was, so far, the most intense sexual experience I had ever had in my lifetime — and we weren’t even undressed.  The rest of the evening was equally intense and interesting as the experience did proceed to a more physical experience.  Most notably, (what I feel comfortable mentioning here) I felt that I could feel her even when direct contact wasn’t being made.  The sense was more of a linking of minds — that continued throughout the night.

Speaking of healthy relationships…the aftermath…

The aftermath thus far, at the time of this writing has been a one year together “anniversary” — as well as a further opening of the mind.  Could it be, that so many of us are hopelessly locked into thinking about sexual energy only in ways that temporarily satiates a physical hungering that prevents us from experiencing so much more in our lives, in so many ways?  That was one question that came to mind after that night.

I started to realize how men and women alike, regardless of sexual preference or gender identity, seem to become trapped in a web of their own self serving desires.  When we don’t know better, unconsciously we seem to find ways to attempt to impose our will on another person whom we feel, can touch us, so deeply, in a way that stokes something inside.  Flames that once fanned, seem to only consume more and more.  Flames powerful enough to consume an entire life…when left unchecked.

The purpose for me to share is singular.  I wish to inspire others to get out the way of the addictions they hold so tight, with such conviction — that, even if it’s just for just a moment…to think — and realize, we are only but drops and an ocean.  An ocean so vast we cannot even see beyond the horizon from this vantage point.  Are your addictions, when it comes to so much (including sex) really worth your life?  Extra-ordinary experiences are as unpredictable as a sudden change in weather, they cannot be anticipated and they don’t seem to give any time for preparation.  I believe we’re all able to have them — it’s just a matter of being ready, willing and open.  Are you?

Namaste,
Paul

PS – The practice I have made reference to, Soulistic Touch, is available in oBook format here.

 

Heathy Relationships — Afterthought or Aftershock?

…and just where do healthy relationships start?

I think it’s not too far fetched for some of us to attest — the real life relationships we have, often, sadly fail to live up to the thoughts, fantasies and longings we have picked up somewhere along the grandiose path of life.  Many of us have reasons for thinking, acting and feeling the way we do, when it comes to relationships.  Some of us may feel as though what (and who) we wished for in the past was cruelly denied — so now is the time to reconcile the past… Then there are those of us who wear a thick crown of jagged thorns, carrying with us heavy baggage past relationships have left us stranded on the side of the road with.  Let’s not forget about those who perpetually settle for the oh so much less than stellar “safe” relationship lacking just about everything except the quasi comfort of a warm body…at times.  There are also, however, some of us who have been fortunate enough to have no disconnect when it comes to the art of healthy relationships.  If that isn’t you, how then, could a healthy relationship even be possible?

Healthy RelationshipsLast week, I shared details of a period in my life — when the pain of staying the same outweighed the discomfort of shifting my focus — and venturing into unknown territory to possibly change.  There is an old adage — “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear” — that idea has played an important role in repairing a part of my life that, to me, was so damaged, dysfunctional and unconscious – that I was suffering in many ways a a result.  What I wanted from life — and what I was actually experiencing in terms of relationships could be summed up with the word antithesis.  In an unpredictable mirage of things that happened, somewhere in the past, the opportunity for healing and resolution presented itself — and I embraced it completely.  The solution was an idea, a concept, a thought that I made the conscious decision to follow up with dedicated and disciplined action steps so I may understand, with greater conscious.  Fortunately, the set of actions I put into motion in my life, (which I have detailed step by step in eBook format) led me along a path that paved the way for tremendous growth that included the ability to have (and enjoy) what I now consider to be a healthy relationship (with myself).  Interestingly, the teacher…the coveted teacher, ended up being an invisible force that so often gets overlooked (even cast aside) in favor of something, more tangible… The teacher ended up being intuition stemming from the willingness to venture into the unknown and tap into a force within the casing of something so much greater.  Myself.

I shared the idea of never having to be lonely again — even healthy relationships, but the change… it certainly didn’t happen overnight…

I’m not gonna pretend to be some sort of expert on how energy moves in the human body, but I will, however, surmise that what happened when I reached the point of what I refer to energetic orgasm that I discussed in a previous post, a lot of things changed, internally as well as externally for me.  For starters, I seemed to be so much more aware of how things felt outside of myself.  For example, (and maybe this was in my head) I began to notice how I felt around other people a lot more in many ways. If someone was curious, or paying attention in my general direction, and I was in proximity, I felt it.  If someone in proximity was upset, I could feel that to a much greater extent than I had before.  I was also more keenly able to tune into romantic or sensual energies that weren’t necessarily being put out there by myself.  It was strange and exciting at the same time — finally arriving at the crossing point of a threshold that prevented me from being more conscious on so many levels.

There could be many sane, rational – even scientific reasons for this, but in retrospect, I tend to think that by letting go and releasing a lot of the noisy baggage I was constantly carrying around with me, I was in turn, able to simply tune in, more effectively, to what was already there.  Naturally, I became curious.  A bit egotistical too.  It seemed as though I was able to “direct” more of what happened around me, in certain ways, by saying less – and “manipulating” what I will call (for lack of more appropriate terms) my energy field.  Where I noticed this mostly, was in the ability to seemingly meet women I was attracted to from a physical perspective and more rapidly establish a level of rapport and comfort that would inevitably lead to sexual intensity — and naturally physically connect in a much deeper way than I had before.  Not only that, I was also, effectively able to extend the experience to the extent that I never again, had to worry about the “train leaving the station before all passengers were aboard” — and when the train did leave the station, it did with such intensity that it (felt as though) was an act of God there was not derailments.  I never knew orgasms had the potential to be so intense.

All of that wonderful stuff had been previously unknown.  So…for a few months, I embraced my newly inflated ego, along with a childlike desire to “play with my new toy” and went to town, so to speak…Some people believe in karma, others tend to think that life has a way of eventually balancing out – while others, yet, don’t give the concept any more than the curt judgment “thoughts like that are for whack-jobs.”  It’s not up to me to make that stuff right or wrong, but I will let you know — after a few months of glistening in an egotistically shiny after-gloat, life balanced out.

Short, sweet (except not really) and to the point, I had my first stalker.  Then I had my feeling hurt.  Badly.  After that I met someone whom I really liked — a lot, who thought of me as nothing more than “Platonic Paul.”  How’s that for healthy relationships?  In so many ways, there I was, back to square one…

But not really.  Despite my rather undesirable position as “Platonic Paul” (a nickname I gave myself in her presence in the many times I plead my case as to why I should have been more than just friends) I decided to accept what was in front of me the best I could.  Ironically, that was a friend.  Someone who seemed, in so many ways, to be a female version of how I was.  Of course, we did have our differences, but in all the ways important for close friends, we were very much alike.  Also, ironically, she seemed very familiar in  strange way…

Over the course of two an a half years, she and I became very close.  Something I would not have been willing to do prior the experiencing the meditation (if you want to call it that) that I now think of as “Soulistic Touch” — but there I was, allowing myself to feel vulnerable and much more.  The much more part could be thought of as internal darkness.  Powerful emotional feelings, inner conflict and lack of understanding that remains dormant until the “right” conditions are present.  Similar to a “perfect” storm.  In my case, the potent ingredient that aroused all of these dark feelings I had not had the opportunity to “deal with” was the sensation of desire for another human being that I deeply cared for and about.  I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms, to feel the warmth of her body and to make love with her in ways she had never been touched before.  Selfish?  Absolutely.  Not once, however, have I claimed that I wasn’t ever a glutton for punishment.

Getting back to the story…the most uncomfortable part of the equation for me, was there was an actual friendship of sustenance – something I had wanted for years, to be able to experience with a woman before actually crossing the holy threshold and uniting in divine sexual union.  The thought that drove me crazy was “What if that never evolves into being?”  I certainly wasn’t shy about sharing my feelings with her.  In fact, it was a practice that became a somewhat regular part of our friendship.  Me pleading and her being diplomatic in rejecting my advances.  After all, we were, eventually — roommates, so my advances and feelings were understandably, natural to share with a close friend (in my rationalizing mind).  The bevy of feelings I went through in that two and a half years of my life were enough to drive just about anyone, who wasn’t a deeply genuine friend — far away from me.  I was experiencing many feelings that hurt.

Desire, especially when there’s someone on the receiving end of that desire, who you have more than a casual longing for, gets really strange.  It’s the type of thing, for me at least (as I cannot speak for others) that pushed me to the edge in many ways, for a long time.  In the beginning of the journey I thought I was cleverly engaging on, all I wanted was to be able to experience healthy relationships.  What I felt I was going through, however, was completely chaotic emotional turmoil.

My masturbation habit was, how should I put this…extra-ordinarily filled with lots of motivation and inspiration?  Maybe, but the non sugar coated version would be more along the lines of straight up obsessive.  Emotionally — times were very interesting.  I never knew jealousy could be so intense, or that what I thought of as love could hurt so badly.  But somehow I knew, with all me being — if I was not able to not only deal with, but grow from, accept and understand the feelings I was experiencing, it was certain — they would repeat themselves until I was able to embrace and heal (understand with higher conscious) them.

At what point, does chaos render the thought of healthy relationships a pipe dream?

That, I wasn’t certain of.  But eventually I was able to accept my feelings and accept that I might not have the type of relationship I thought I wanted.  I came to terms with my desire to control the environment as well as how much discord in my life that desire was causing me.  It was one of the hardest things I had ever done.  On an emotional level, it was, perhaps, the most difficult feat — in terms of all that that choice and acceptance represented.  I might not ever get to experience all that I dreamed of and desired.  That was ok.  Had it not been for what I think of as the 4-degree shift “Soulistic Touch” allowed me to reach, I simply would not have had the mindset or wherewithal to “subject” myself to two and a half years of encountering and wrestling with a darkness that resided deep within, lurking, waiting for the ideal circumstances to boil over to the surface.  What made it even more intense, was the woman whom I fell in love with, was so similar to whom I eventually “saw” in Soulistic Practice.  That was a real mental bender for me.

Finally, I let go.  I’m not talking about a half (or less) hearted “affirmation”  — “I now release this desire to the universe” type of utopian self help gibberish.  I really let go.  I accepted not having.  I accepted my life.  I accepted moving on.  I accepted and wished for her to be happy as well.  I even felt lighter.  Happier.  More filled with a willingness to live, embrace life, move forward and live.

Literally, a day after I had done that, things changed.  The very next night we made love — on a date we both think of as our anniversary.  That was also an evening in which many things I did not understand about sexual energy occurred, traversing the mind to another plane, piercing a veil – opening a door I never even knew could be accessible – through erotic energy…which was similar to an out of body experience I had — and something I will elaborate on in my next post.

In closing…I really couldn’t even begin to promise, or even suggest the experience I had could be guideline for others.  I, to this day, don’t feel as though any advice I could give a person is of deeply penetrating, life-altering  value.  I feel that until you have an experience, it’s all just a story.  Personally, I have no idea what journey might open up ahead of you.  There are just so many possibilities — and there is really only one way to go about discovering, and I think you know that that is — and it starts with a choice…

Namaste,
Paul

 

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The Intimacy In Darkness

How much intimacy is in your chaos?

In terms of intimacy, what force compels (attracts) you to be close to those you are close to?  Out of all the types of relationships we can find ourselves in, have you ever wondered just what makes a close relationship so special and touching inside?  Could the way we relate to others, in ways mirror a part of ourselves that denies who we really are?

Intimacy:

intimacyTo better establish the idea of intimacy, here are a few points to consider:  Do you aspire to share the time not filled with obligation (your free time) with people you have to hide parts of yourself around?  How about going out of your way with the intention of “fitting in” with those who have a set of core values you feel to be much different than your own?  What special ingredient causes you to separate an acquaintance mentally, from someone you share the special intimacy that goes along with who you are with?

Personally, one of the attributes that attracts me to someone is the feeling that I can be myself and share the unfiltered version of what’s on my mind and in my heart without feeling as though I have to somehow hold back.  Situations where I feel being my natural self isn’t the right thing to do for a variety of reasons don’t appeal to me so much, despite life doling out it’s fair share of those unpredictable situations on it’s own terms.

There is intimacy in darkness…

There’s something special in feeling comfortable and safe enough with those close to you that you can share the true essence of who you are, how you think and what you feel.  To me those qualities (and more) are some of the most important ingredients when it comes to intimacy.  Whether it be with a co-worker, friend or lover, I personally feel the greatest amount of intimacy and closeness when I can be myself, completely.

That being said… what is it to “share completely?”  What kind of intimacy does truly being yourself entail?  While the idea of deep intimacy may bring fourth all kinds of thoughts, desires and dreams, there’s something that about deep intimacy easily overlooked:

Darkness.  I don’t think it’s so hard to agree, we all have our own “individual” ideas of the world.  To some extent, our ideas of how the world works make up the reality we live.  It can be difficult when someone close to you doesn’t “see it your way.”  Even with all the spirituality, personal development and various other practices many of us choose to bring into our lives with the intention of finding greater balance — there is still part of just about every one of us that hurts.  I won’t even begin to get into all the reasons we can hurt, mentally, physically and emotionally – but pain (suffering) seems to be one of the many polarities that are part of this plane of existence.

Wouldn’t it make sense then, that there’s a certain intimacy in sharing your darkness (pain) and imperfections with those closest to you?  I know this can be a tough thought, but couldn’t you understand how a lover’s sometimes harsh words are no less intimate than a moonlight kiss under a starlit sky?  In this condition, living life, we’re all here doing what we can.  Think what you may, good, bad, lazy, motivated or whatever other polarity that comes to mind – that doesn’t change the fact we’re all here handling life.

Personally, I don’t know how another person arrives at the point where they are now.  I do know, however, in relationships there Intimacydoes seem to be a “positive” thinking way of thinking that creates an undercurrent that we are expected to be a certain way relating to others.  Even though the idea that our relations should be positive and uplifting to experience the most happiness with the least amount of suffering might be in my head, it’s still an idea.

Those I share the most intimacy with are often comfortable (on some levels) enough at a certain point in the relationship to allow the darker aspects of their personality shine through along with everything else.  I know this to be the case personally as well.  I think it’s part of who we are.  I just wonder what kind of world we would live in if we were to be more accepting of ourselves and the intimacy we all share with each other when suffering.

Would we be so quick to judge or condemn?  Would we be in a hurry to make another wrong and end a relationship?  Maybe.  Then again, maybe we would be able to accept ourselves at even a greater level as a result of understanding the nature of suffering and the intimacy of sharing.  We might forgive one another, love one another and love ourselves even more, if we could come to the understanding of exactly how much intimacy, we are, indeed, sharing in darkness.

Namaste,
Paul

Full Circle

Do you ever feel that certain forces in your life keep you repeating the a set of unfulfilling behaviors in which you feel a slave to?

For example, do you ever go on a wild search or hunt for something that just doesn’t seem to be there and feel drained after the search? Do you ever have a thought, that you think something you feel desire towards would be so great if it were to happen, then feel somehow let down when it does happen because the event just didn’t measure up to how you thought it should be? How about feeling blocked or stuck and not knowing why you feel that way because it just seems to show up again and over in different ways?

If you don’t ever have those feelings, you are better off passing on this email – and perhaps you can share how you were able to get past your internal chaos so I can post it for others to see!

The point I’m getting at here, is more of a reminder than anything else. It has to do with your and how you feel about relationships and your own self image. As many of you know, I share a process called {Edited} What I often find is that there is a force pretty much directly below the surface that holds into place how you relate to the world and what we feel our place is in this world. Of course, some of us are willing to do whatever it takes to change how we relate to ourselves and in turn, others, while others merely talk about change.

So the big question becomes, how to change for the long term without “failing” or “falling back” into old behavior patterns. From personal experience and working with quite a few others in their journey I have drawn the conclusion that encountering, embracing and releasing what we refer to as the “Dark” feelings within associated with self image or sexuality or erotic energy are the means of change. Here is an excerpt from {Edited} about this:

At what point do you have the realization that the only way to restore balance in the areas of your life that are most Chaotic; is by going into the chaotic feelings (internal darkness), and understanding their powerful message, rather than suppressing the discomfort often associated with Dis-ease in it’s many manifestations? I feel that by going into the feelings we attempt to suppress or “put in their proper place” and understanding what their message is, we can then let go of their negative effect in our lives and experience unconditional acceptance and intimacy of self, regardless of circumstance. If that point is now, you may find the practices I share to be “{Edited}” – or the tool you’ve been searching for!

I feel that most of us often go to great measures to move away from what we think of as painful feelings such as such as stress, Anger, Sadness, Inadequacy and more. This manifests in the desire to manipulate and control our environment in just about any way – with the intention of keeping unpleasant feelings (darkness) at bay. You may agree, this behavior is fear based and holds in place that which you truly wish to transform.

{Edited} embraces the idea that we are running from our true sense of power and revelation when not in acceptance of our entire selves. {Edited} invites one to cultivate sacredness in every moment through the exploration, acceptance and release of these dark or shadow feelings within the self.

The ability to generate pleasure at any given moment on your own despite outside circumstances often develops naturally as a result of this process. {Edited} is a concept where Emotional intelligence is of equal importance as intellectual intelligence. Our practices share ways to generate a life of more pleasure and self-acceptance simply through accessing something that is within each of us and not outside anyone of us. We invite you to take a journey with us and become the change you wish to experience in this world!

I have found that Food and Erotic Energy are pretty much one of the fastest way to get to the feelings that hold into place the exact feelings and behaviors that one mostly wishes to change. This is just something to think about…

IS THERE TRUTH IN THIS MESSAGE?

“Little angel go away
Come again some other day
The devil has my ear today
I’ll never hear a word you say
Promised I would find a little solace
And some peace of mind
Whatever just as long as I don’t feel so
Desperate and ravenous,
So weak and powerless
Desperate and ravenous,
So weak and powerless
Over you”

~ A Perfect Circle

A painful lesson

Last the series of the defunct…enjoy

 

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

If you want to feel a more powerful, deeper sense of love and connection more often, this is for you…

Maybe you’re in a relationship that isn’t quite right – something you know deep down inside. Maybe you want to experience the feeling of being in the type of relationship that you’ve wanted for many, many years. Then again, you might just want to feel more love, passion and connection in your daily life! You know better than anyone what drives you, and what you go through to search for those special feelings. You also know better than anyone what your efforts result in!

Rather than writing a dry and preachyish blog, I’ll just tell you a short story about a painful lesson about love and loss that a character named Henry got to experience firsthand…

***

Henry, a younger guy who had been blessed with better than average looks and intelligence – seemed to have a difficult time finding his place in the world. Despite the many gifts he had been given, Henry often felt like an outsider and sought refuge in isolation, even though what he really wanted was to feel connection. He figured that if only he could find his life mate, a best friend whom he could share his hungry sexual side with life would be perfect! A strong desire he had been holding onto for quite a few years…

Henry attempted to hold onto the belief that one day, if he behaved well enough, he would be fortunate enough to meet and fall deeply in love with his ideal lover. He even had his own thoughts of what good behavior was – as well as ideas of what he might have to bring to the table to hopefully keep this lover around once he finally did find the connection he was searching for. This was something that he thought about often, in a hopeful way during the day and a lustful way during the night. he was deeply saddened when his grandest efforts didn’t seem to pay off…

Meeting people and connecting with people came easily to Henry, when he felt like investing the effort. Usually this only happened during those difficult periods where masturbation lost it’s fun and the need for human contact, the desire to be touched in an intimate and soulful way became overwhelming – and the sadness of not having it drive him into action mode. In those times Henry became a hunter. Going out. Drinking. Driven by a mind full of unfulfilled desires and the personal drive to impose his will on the world and connect!

Based on his lack of past success in the form of a long string of failed relationships and “short term” connections that satiated physical contact, but only increased the hungering for something deeper and more meaningful, Henry felt stuck. Maybe if he changed his hunting ground he would get a different result. That makes sense right? Look somewhere else and get something else. Something better! At least that was the thinking process…

Instead of going out hunting at a bar, Henry decided to volunteer his time at a local homeless shelter with the high hopes of finding a lover who was also a volunteer. That seemed perfectly logical and worth a try.

For a while, it actually seemed like it just might work! As fate would have it, one of the other volunteers who was helping to serve food was very attractive and very friendly. After exchanging contact information and following through with good success, Henry started to think that he had finally met the lover he dreamed about. He even developed strong feelings toward CJ, the volunteer whom he had met. He felt so unrestricted and open in conversation with CJ – and this feeling was totally new to him. More than likely because he was sexually attracted to CJ in a powerful way too!

However, CJ had recently got out of a relationship and was not seeking to get right back into another one. Henry, however want to accept this reality. He was too worried that he might not be able to find another person as dear and special as CJ was to him, in so many ways. So he did what he knew how to do. He attempted to control the pace and tempo of the relationship by doing anything and everything in his ability to make it into the type of sexual relationship he was so desperately desiring. We all have our issues, and for some reason or other, Henry was able to steer the relationship in more of a sexual direction – or so he thought.

The more sexual things became with Henry and CJ, the more intense their relationship became, in many ways. Including heated arguments that left both Henry and CJ feeling emotionally spent. Still, Henry held onto this idea in his own mind of what type of relationship he really wanted. The intense connection. The type of connection he felt when he was with CJ confused and frustrated him. It felt so right and he pleaded his case over and again. There was even a point that Henry became so frustrated that he felt better off without CJ in his life. This caused another big argument – and the two went their separate ways.

This was the last thing Henry wanted, but he felt there weren’t any other options. Henry deeply missed the company, friendship and conversation he shared with CJ – and thought of that connection often. He also started to realize how much he attempted to control the direction of the relationship – and how frustrating it was for him to constantly feel so close, yet so far away from what he thought he wanted most. A frustration he often took out on CJ. Now the only thing he really felt was a deep sadness that CJ was no longer in his life.

The event was so emotionally devastating that Henry, for the first time in his life started to realize how he went about pushing people away by being pushy and becoming frustrated when things didn’t go his way. He realized that he didn’t even give the relationship with CJ time and patience to blossom into something beautiful – and what was there, the wonderful feelings he already experienced with CJ – something he deeply cherished, were gone. He vowed to himself, from that point forward – to cherish every moment that he did feel that connect, regardless of the outcome, and do also do something that was really foreign – and even very difficult to him – to let go of trying to control it and just let be what it is. That way, at least the connect that’s already there can expand because it’s enjoyed all by itself!

***

I could have made this short story into something much greater with a lot more detail – but I understand that most of you don’t plan on reading a mini novel via email. The moral of the story is that the Henry found the type of connection, the feeling he was searching for – and it was reflected in CJ. What Henry failed to realize is that by attempting to control it and make it into something that wasn’t part of the natural progression – the feeling of connection that was so enjoyable to both Henry and CJ was lost.

This short story reflects a painful lesson I learned in my own life. I had to lose something very special to me to understand that if I just enjoy the feelings that occur naturally with a person I feel a special connection with, and focus on how good that connection feels – it really doesn’t matter all that much what happens, because it more easily opens the door to additional connections!

 oh, how things change…

Paul

 

Balance your life with erotic meditation

From the a now defunct website – all posts in this section are.  I may publish the e-book here.  Not sure though…

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

If you were to think about meditation, what would you think about? If you were to think about being erotic what ideas and thoughts might pop into your mind? If you were to think about it, do you feel it makes sense to combine sexuality with meditation?

If I were to base my answer on the vast amounts of information available about various meditation techniques, my first inclination is to think that most of us haven’t had the conscious idea to combine the two! Yet…on an unconscious level many of us already do combine our sexual side and meditation!

In an effort to be more precise, I’ll first define my perception of meditation. I’ll also share how I feel that our sexual side consists of two polarities, emotional and physical. I’ll also shed some valuable light on the idea and practice of Erotic Meditation – and how you can use it to enhance your life!

The definition of meditation according to dictionary.com is:

“med⋅i⋅ta⋅tion

–noun

1. the act of meditating.

2. continued or extended thought; reflection; contemplation.

3. transcendental meditation.

4. devout religious contemplation or spiritual introspection.

 

Origin:

1175–1225; < L meditātiōn- (s. of meditātiō) a thinking over (see meditate, -ion ) Dictionary.com Unabridged

Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009.”

Many people I have come into contact with have the idea that meditation is the act of “clearing the mind of all thoughts” – and many people seem to have many reasons for practicing meditation! As you can clearly read in the definition, the word meditation seems to be very open ended, almost as if it were up to the person actually doing the meditation to define what it means to them on a personal level!

Based on personal experience and exposure, I feel people who become interested in meditation have a specific goal in mind that they are hoping to achieve, or at least get closer to by incorporating meditation into their life!

On a personal level, I’ve used various meditation techniques with the intent of enhancing my intuition, feeling more balanced (on many levels) and gaining a greater understanding of my emotions. If I didn’t feel that meditation could enhance the quality of my life, I wouldn’t bother doing it, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. Meditation requires effort, dedication and even time to “work” or notice “real world” results; Results that the meditator can apply outside of actual practice that enhances the quality of life!

So if the primary reason to meditate is to somehow enhance the quality of life, and if meditation includes continued or extended thought; reflection and contemplation, wouldn’t it make sense to pinpoint or decide what areas of your life would have the greatest overall positive effect by enhancing? I think so!

Maybe you’ve seen or heard about a movie called “The Secret”. Perhaps at some point in your life you’ve heard about, or read a book with the title “Think and Grow Rich” (By Napoleon Hill). The movie and the book both direct viewers and readers to harness and apply the power of thought towards a specific goal. You could even call this meditation!

Meditating on a direction you would like your life to go. Imagining with enough focus that you would actually feel how you would feel if what you were focusing on was actually happening –in real life! Some people call this visualization. Can you make a connection with visualization and meditation in your mind? Do you understand how visualization, or dynamic thought could be considered a form of meditation?

I’ve been to my fair share of yoga classes that include meditation. I’ve read books about meditation. I’ve also practiced various meditation techniques for years. From my personal experience meditation and various types of instruction, it would seem as though there’s been a lot of emphasis placed on “calming your body and mind” in the practice.

In many of the yoga type of meditations I’ve practiced there has been a great deal of emphasis on sitting still in order to focus more intensely on what the direction of the meditation of about. Often, it’s been about nothing at all! For various reasons, that concept just doesn’t make sense to me! Here’s why:

I feel that meditation is about focusing the power of thought or concentration on a specific function to achieve a specific result. That focus can be about anything, even nothing! I feel that our thoughts are powerful enough to bring powerful physical sensations into our bodies. Depending on what we’re thinking about (and how we feel about our thoughts) our bodies physically respond.

If you were to think about a loved one and apply as much focus and concentration as you know how to only that thought, you would feel a certain way as a result! If you were to think about doing something really exciting to you and you were to apply as much focus and concentration as you are capable of, your body would physically respond to that thought. To what degree depends on how in tune with even minute physical changes in your body you’re in tune to. If you don’t believe me, do it and discover for yourself!

With that in mind, where’s the logic in “remaining still”? If our thoughts can cause powerful physical sensations to surge through our body, why on earth would you attempt to suppress your body’s natural urge to move? Maybe you can think of a reason, but for me, especially after studying and applying Alignment Yoga (as Harmon Hathaway teaches it) to my life, I see little to no value in attempting to contain the physical sensations that accompany thought! In fact, I feel its counter productive! If a thought with enough focus and concentration feels, doesn’t it make sense to allow the body to move in some sort of release that’s positive and uplifting? I think so!

Have you ever daydreamed? You know, been kind of “spaced out” and just let your mind wander and drift? If you can think, if you can read this, if you can understand this, chances are, you’ve daydreamed at some point.

Have you ever thought of daydreamed about a lover? Have you ever thought about or daydreamed about a meeting and connecting with a lover that meets your emotional needs? Have you ever daydreamed or fantasized about exciting erotic encounters? Could this not be considered meditation?

Is fantasy or daydream not a form of continued or extended thought, reflection or contemplation? I think it is! However, what’s commonly missing from this type of meditation is an uplifting direction! If you were to daydream about a lover that would fulfill your emotional needs, and question why that daydream is important, you may find that it’s because you want that in your life, but don’t feel that you have it. Same applies to thinking, fantasizing, or daydreaming about a physically fulfilling sexual experience – or for that matter, any fantasy that you want, but don’t believe to be real or attainable.

Hmm, I think that covers the two areas of sexuality as well! Physical and emotional! Are most of not looking to experience a merging of the two? Even if we only think we are looking for one or the other? What would happen of you were to apply continued or extended thought, reflection and contemplation to your Sensual and Erotic side? Would that not be Erotic Meditation? I think it would! I prefer to call it Tantric Practice!

If the driving force behind meditation is to enhance the quality of your life…If you were to be completely and totally honest with yourself…if you were to ask yourself honestly, how you feel about your love (sex, erotic) life…Do you think it makes sense to include this in meditation? I do! And I’ve done it! To me, it’s a tool I use when I feel that some part of my sex or love life, physical or emotional, is off balance. It’s something I do when I feel frustrated that my sensual or erotic urges don’t feel as though they have an uplifting place to go – and it works!

If you were to apply the power of your mind, and channel or focus it towards greater understanding of the emotional and physical components of your erotic side – to seek a greater understanding of how you think of yourself in relationship to your sensual side, to release what no longer serves – to let go of what constricts your life –AND to apply the power of though, putting your mind in a space that’s fulfilling and uplifting – so much that you can physically feel it with every fiber of your being…what do you think would happen? That’s why I feel Erotic Meditation is SO important!

 

 

Your Vibe

These were used with the intention of selling an eBook I wrote about a form if meditation I now Call Soulistic Touch.  It’s real and powerful, interesting way I approached the sharing though…. Enjoy!

 

Friday, July 10, 2009

Why do you think some guys (or ladies) tend to have all the luck when it comes to connecting with others in that special way you seek to connect? Is it because they look like models or movie stars? Does it have anything to do with the type of car they drive? How about the size of their bank account? Maybe, BUT – that has a LOT LESS to do with attraction and connection than you may think! Maybe you’re the one with the movie star looks, fancy car and big bank account (or perhaps one or two of them) scratching your head because you’re still searching for something that you haven’t found in sex and relationships! Just for sake of it, let’s just say you’re ugly, take the bus and broke! Do you really think that stuff has THAT much to do with attraction and erotic emotional fulfillment?

If you do, I’ve got some great tickets to the moon to sell you!

This can be simplified easily – and you’ve likely experienced the phenomenon that makes some people seem sizzling hot and others not. Think about this: Have you ever met someone who’s a truly amazing physical specimen, however you couldn’t help being somewhat repulsed by something about them? How about seeing someone pull up in a fancy car, and thinking to yourself – “What a jackass!”? Or how about meeting someone who’s rich, maybe even rich and physically attractive, yet still being turned off for some reason?

Most of us have!

Why is this? You could come up with many reasons why, or you could think about it in terms of “vibe”. Now for the flip side: Have you ever met someone that for some strange reason you feel a powerful instantaneous attraction towards? Someone who’s not even necessarily “your type”, yet you’ve still wanted them? Chances are pretty good that at some point in your life this has happened to you…An attraction with no rhyme of reason. Meeting someone who’s putting a “vibe” out there that you are particularly drawn towards!

It’s simple. When you meet someone, something happens inside. You’re attracted, or you’re not attracted. A door opens, or a door shuts. You want more or you want away. This happens on many levels, including sexual attraction! As you well know, being attracted to someone sexually doesn’t always have to do with looks, cars or cash. Granted, that stuff can help a bit, but there’s a much greater force that draws attraction!

Imagine meeting someone whom you’re instantly attracted to. Someone who ignites inner feelings that drive you crazy in a good way! Someone who touches you internally on a deep level that you’ve been searching for…Someone who you feel somehow deeply connected to…

When you meet that person you may get so caught up in the moment that you lose yourself in the feelings this person seems to bring up inside of you. Eventually you begin to wonder if they’re feeling what you’re feeling. Could they? After all, how can you really know what that other person’s into? You could guess, but unless you communicate in a way that you may not be used to communicating in, you wouldn’t know!

Hold onto the idea of meeting someone you’re instantly attracted to and think of what could possibly create an instant attraction…It’s a vibe! A vibe that feels good creates attraction. This works in many areas, including your erotic side! Now ask yourself, what type of “erotic vibe” are you putting out there? If you’re confident and fulfilled, chances are, it’s a vibe that nicely aligns with your physical and emotional needs and desires! On the other hand, if you feel there’s something missing, chances are, the vibe you’re putting out there isn’t doing what you would like it to. Makes sense right?

To keep this simple, I’ll define a “vibe” as a collective broadcast of your thoughts that others can pick up on. Your feelings result from your thoughts. The way you think about yourself equates to the way you feel about yourself. In the same way you can pick out someone who is happy from someone who is sad or depressed by being near them, you broadcast your feelings to others – and they can feel it! If you don’t think highly of yourself, or if you think of yourself as unattractive, that’s exactly what you’re broadcasting to others! Kind of makes you think…

When it comes down to it, you know how you feel about yourself better than anyone else. With all the personal development material floating around out there, chances are, you’ve been exposed to the “change your thinking, change your life” philosophy!

What if you were to practice that from an erotic standpoint? That’s one really important area that personal development seems to have forgotten about – sex! Sex, the emotional connection to sex, and erotic fulfillment!

I’m here to tell you, that with focus, you can enhance your erotic vibe! You can be the one that others are attracted to because of how your presence makes them feel! You can be the one who inspires, attracts and experiences fulfillment as a result!

It all comes down to a question and a choice: Do you feel that your erotic energy has an emotionally fulfilling and uplifting place to go, or is it causing you to feel off balance? The choice: If you’re not emotionally erotically fulfilled, if you’re not putting an attractive “erotic vibe” out there, are you willing to do what it takes to edify and enhance your life? Balls in your court now!

 

 

 

Erotic Imposition

Thursday, October 9, 2008

To me, short stories can be entertaining and enjoyable – especially when the storyteller has a specific reason for telling a story a certain way. You may find this short about Fred, a guy who’s always on the go to be somewhere (your guess as to where is as good as any) in a hurry – a nice read! While you’re reading it you may also draw conclusions as to the intent…

6:00 AM – The faint sound of an air conditioner with a squeaky vent and periodic traffic from outside set the tone in Fred’s bedroom. Even though the soon to be rising sun has illuminated the early morning sky, you would never know. The windows in Fred’s room have been carefully, artistically covered to create a veneer of darkness that allows for a deep slumber. One of many nuances that Fred feels he needs in order to sleep. Fred also sleeps with earplugs, an eye mask, a breath easy strip across his nose, a mouth guard to easy the involuntary clenching and grinding of his teeth and two pillows carefully placed in between his knees and ankles.

6:01 am – The piercing sound of what sounds like an air raid emergency alert spews fourth at a high enough decibel to cause the “artwork” on Fred’s blackened windows to reverberate in protest! Frantically Fred casts the covers off the bed, steps his bare feet onto the cold marble floor, removes his eye mask and makes a beeline across the room to his modified alarm siren. The alarm induces an immediate blistering rush of adrenalin-and anxiety. It also eliminates any lag time from the sleep to waking process! No gentle wake, no dwell time, no time to relish in the warm comfort of a morning bed. No. Just immediate panic and rush. It’s the start of a new day. Anything else is a waste of time.

As soon as the alarm is silenced Fred immerses himself in a cold shower that is only tolerable for 2 minutes. He then quickly dries off and slips into clothing that had been carefully pre-placed in the bathroom next to the antique vanity. In his mind, there’s hardly enough time to gulp down a cup of black coffee that’s sat in the modern, but bare fridge overnight – AND be OUT THE DOOR by 6:10 am.

Off to the beach. It’s part of the morning ritual. Part of his daily habituation. Gotta be there no later than 6:30. It’s simple on a normal day with light traffic. In fact on a day with light traffic the beach is within reach at about 6:28 am. Not this morning.

Fred enjoyed the beach so he could reflect and relax before the real stress of the day started. If he rushed to the beach, he could survive. Maybe he could even get there by 6:25 today and have an extra five minutes. By 7 am he had to be en route to what was next. Without exception.

On the road things quickly became sour. Traffic wasn’t moving. The road was narrowed to one lane. Construction. The type of construction that blocks the road for seemingly no reason. There weren’t even any workers out! Hell, there wasn’t any equipment and the road wasn’t being worked on at all.

A pulsing surge of anger turned Fred’s blood hot. His stomach churned with discomfort as the morning coffee turned to bricks. He could feel perspiration under his arms. His jaw clenched and tightened in synchronicity with the increasing death grip on the steering wheel. His mind was screaming with profanity. Fred’s world turned black. Nothing was going his way. Seconds ticked by. They felt like hours. Cars were just about to a stand still and the red sea of flashing brake lights showed no signs of remorse anytime soon.

Fred only thought of the beach. Nothing else existed but the damn construction and fucking cars and shithead drivers in front of him. They were ruining his life. Every ounce of his body quivered and jerked with what seemed like an eternal tightness. An unending anticipation of what was not. A perpetual feeling of disconnect. A longing that only grew stronger to be somewhere – anywhere – just not here…

Blinded by only one desire, Fred was not aware of the beauty of the rising sun. He couldn’t see the pastures of wild flowers that decorated the roadside. The celebratory song of the morning birds was lost. The magical pleasure of a passing fog was to go unseen. The once in a lifetime and always changing formation of clouds may as well have been on the moon. The smell of another beautifully perfect morning would go unnoticed. The boundless dragonflies feeding and mating in the free world were invisible to Fred. Nothing else mattered except what wasn’t.

Fred wasn’t where he wanted to be. He was in traffic. He was not at the beach on time. What he hoped to find at the beach each and every morning was often nebulously elusive. By the time Fred did make it to the beach at 6:37 am, he was so worked up and concerned with the lack of time he had to enjoy the same attractions he could have seen directly out the window of his car on the road, that he couldn’t even start to connect with the feel of the beach. He was there, but he wasn’t Fred felt cheated. He just wasn’t sure how…

I know the title of this shorty is Erotic Impositions. So what about that erotic part? Ok, here it is: Could you relate parts of your sex and love life to Fred’s trip in the morning? Are you so focused on one thing that you’ve forgot about other options? Do you hold certain ideas so firmly in mind that there isn’t room for anything else? Do you ever feel cheated and let down about your sex life?

Before incorporating Tantric practice into my life I know I did. And I didn’t know how to do anything about it. I just knew there was something missing. Think about it. How much more connected could you feel?

 

Emotional Hungering

Friday, September 26, 2008

By Paul

Sex.

What is it to you?

How often do you think about it…

Has the pursuit of it ever caused you pain?

When you have it, does it live up to your expectations?

Do you ever close your eyes while you are having it so that you can escape to a place that has more of what you are looking for than what is already there?

What are you looking for?

Do you seek raw, uninhibited, unadulterated, hot passionate sex that defies anything you have ever experienced in your existence?

Do you wish to connect so deeply with your partner that you can feel every breath they take, every beat of their heart, every contraction of their body – while feeling their ecstatic thoughts on such a deep and personal level that reality dissolves and you wonder if you even are?

Do you wish to share yourself so wholly that you feel safe in a state of total vulnerability and totally unafraid to feel a love so strong that you are not afraid to lose?

Or do you think this is a bunch of B.S that exists in movies that may be nice, but not likely to happen?

I can relate…

Well how about this:

When it comes right down to it, and you tell yourself the truth –

When you feel lonely, disconnected, let down, deprived and emotionally needy do you think a sexual union will help you feel alive, powerful, validated and wanted? Do you ever think that another fling, connection, or person simply did not have inside of them enough to make you feel whole?

When you feel this way, as emptiness returns, as the feeling of being wistfully cast naked into a cold stormy sea with angry nighttime skies engulfs you after a devoid emotional period of sexual hunger. When you feel the flush of guilt and regret that what you just did, weather in thought or act did not deliver – and you feel stuck in the seemingly endless pattern… What happens?

More seeking. The deep hungering for a holy sexual union that makes you feel. The reminder of feeling passed over. Then the relentless pursuit. DOES THIS RESONATE WITH YOU?

Maybe you’re immune. I’m not. I’ve seen on a deep level how this force does not wane or go away. Even with the ebbing effect of age on the physical body, emotional sensual hungering persists and perpetuates thought and actions. If you don’t think so go to a nursing home and talk to the old and sick about what they feel about sex…

The erotic seedling of need and search that germinates inside of us as our young bodies become able does not wither and die with age. Of course there is death to set you free (right?), but what are you going to do in the meantime?

The amount of thought and effort I found myself investing in a fruitless search wasn’t something that I wanted to endure until death. The crippling effect it was having many other areas of my life was nothing I felt like suffering through any longer than I had to. Maybe you’re different and have already found a way to sensual salvation that lasts.

That’s really all that I was looking for – it just seemed to be that where I was searching was dark and empty! That’s why I started a practice of personal Tantric. I could use erotic energy in a spiritually uplifting way! I discovered that I too have the ability to give that energy that cuts like a blade a place that uplifts and balances! You can too!

It’s so much more pleasurable to enjoy the erotic and allow the emptiness of emotional hungering to fade away while a sense of happiness and emotional balance fills the void! Tantra works. It allows what is there to be there. It uplifts the force that can devour, much like as a school of starving piranhas.

Tantric Yoga is something we can all benefit from – and I am happy to share!

 

 

Where is the erotic you bring to the table?

Old School! –> Unedited!

 

Friday, August 29, 2008

By Paul E-RYT 500

A common practice in many Yoga gatherings is the concept of a potluck dinner, which is a dinner that everyone contributes a dish (usually vegetarian) to. Potluck can represent many things to it’s guests. It can be an opportunity to connect with others who have similar values. It can be an opportunity to enjoy solace from the mundane. It can be a good time to express song and voice. And – it can be an opportunity to feel as though you are giving back. As nice as all of these elements of potluck tend to be, there is one element that makes a potluck gathering, a potluck. The Food!

Some people primarily go to potluck gatherings for the prospect of a full belly. With all the good food, who can blame them?!? There’s variety, creativity, ambiance, enticing aroma – and the element that makes it all possible: The food there is what people bring to the table!

It’s considered common courtesy to bring a dish to SHARE with the group. When everyone does this it creates an intimate sense of fulfillment! Everyone who participated shared part of themselves (and their kitchen) for others to enjoy.

So what do you think would happen if nobody brought food because hopefully, someone else is going to take time out of their day that is just as busy as yours to think about, gather ingredients for, and prepare a dish to fulfill your needs?

A lot of people would go hungry and maybe even feel disappointed. Some people may even feel angry and bewildered at the notion of others being so thoughtless and selfishly devoid of humility!

Is it not any different with intimacy? Have you never sought to feel a connection with another person and expected them to act a specific way? A way that you feel puts jump in your step, makes colors more vivid and enhances all that is?

How do you feel when you find what you think you’ve been looking for deeply nestled in another person? How often do you think about them? Have you ever felt “it” so powerfully that you would walk over a mile of hot coals and broken glass only to swim another mile in murky shark infested waters just to be with the one who ignited such powerful inner flames?

Maybe you would! Maybe you’re still looking for someone who makes you feel this way. Maybe you’ve succumbed to a series of daily disappointments and feel resigned to accept your cold hard fate as a single loner who enters into unfulfilling relationships, one after the other.

You know your personal situation better than anyone. You also know how you feel about your personal situation. You may even be able to consciously observe what course your life takes on a day to day – even minute to minute basis as your own personal erotic side drives you on and on.

You may feel that there seems to be almost no middle ground! You”re either electrified sexually, intimately and emotionally balanced… Or you’re blah. Blah that life is just a series of disappointments and the passion you want is nowhere to be found. You never seem to meet people who have what you are looking for and the inner voices just drone on and on their monochromatic drudgerous tone as you seek, hope, and even prey for something or someone to come along to make you feel alive and happy to be.

As a Tantric Yoga facilitator I see it often. I know it well. I lived it for a while!

Tantric Yoga helps embrace sensual, passionate, erotic, intimate, and sexual energies! One of the premises of Tantric Yoga is that you experience inner connection and sensuality! This may be challenging at first but when you get it, you radiate it. It fills you up and gives the uncomfortable seeking energies a place to go!

When you get intimately connected with your own sensuality, other people become attracted to you without consciously understanding why. All of a sudden you literally have more than you can even dream of eating, available to you with an abundance that you may have never even known to exist! This happens regardless of looks, preference, age and all of that other crap that can easily, and often does, become the fuel for disconnect and insecurity.

I could go on and on about it using many different metaphors, like when you ring a bell with another bell is in proximity, it too will begin to vibrate with the same resonance of the first bell! But instead of rambling on, I’ll just ask, what do you bring to the table?

Paul

 

 

About Desire, about Meditation

Meditation.

Question: When you read that word, out of all the possibilities of what it could be, or mean, what is meditation to you?

For some of us it is a foreign concept. For others meditation a way to find balance. Yet for others, it is a way to run away for reality, which I’ll share my thoughts on in a bit.

When people ask me about meditation and I, in turn, so I can get a better idea of what they are thinking it is, ask them what their feelings are about meditation – I usually am told that it is a way of quieting the mind and finding balance.

Many of the techniques I have seen teachers of various sorts sharing over the years are simple focus on your breath and stop thinking scenarios. Personally, I feel I would have a better chance being elected President of our country than successfully “quieting” my mind and finding balance just by focusing on my breath and willing my mind quite. Which brings me to an interesting point I feel crucial, yet vastly overlooked when it comes to ideas about meditation.

If you are going to become interested in, or even practice meditation with the intent on finding balance, what aspects of your life are not balanced in the first place to the extent that you think meditation would help?

You see, I think of meditation as a way of facing your darkness and dealing with your own shit so it’s unconscious residue no longer plagues your mind, emotions and actions. After all, if you understand that which would create an internal obstacle or blockage in the first place – to the extent of letting it go, isn’t that what meditation is about? Or rather, should I say, wouldn’t that be a logical focal point of meditation – coming to terms with, understanding with higher consciousness, accepting and releasing that which causes you to suffer in the first place? For me, it is – and that is what I share in the form of {EDITED}.

However, being as I have decided to become more informative and less “sales” orientates in my writing – I will share my thoughts about where so much of our suffering comes from. Of course there is the obvious starting point, our minds – but there is also the aspect of what particular topic or area causes us to suffer the most?

Personally, I feel it has a lot to do with the force that brought us here in the first place. S-e-x. S-e-x-u-a-l Energy. The desire to connect on a deep level and the desire to share your most highly regarded s-e-x-u-a-l side with another person who is Mentally, Emotionally, S-e-x-u-a-l-l-y and Spiritually compatible with yourself.

Is that not important to you? Is that not something you long for when you are in times of not having? Is that something you have ever had? When you think of the idea, could your mental reaction be classified more as suffering or happiness? Get my point? Oh, and the deal with the “s-e” type of writing?

Apparently there is a lot of stigma attached to that word and this message would get flagged as spam if I did not disguise it. Kind of strengthens my idea that many of us, even the world suffers because our overall ideas towards s-e-x-u-a-l-i-t-y.

Let’s say that you felt completely fulfilled from your s-e-x-u-a-l side. What would be next in terms of balance? For me, I think it is the ability to more deeply understand emotions and the illusion they sometimes trap up in – which is something I will write more in depth about in the future.

Mostly, this letter is an invitation to think about your life, how fast it goes by and what’s important to you. If finding balance is, do your really think that if you continue to do the same thing in your mind with the structure of your thoughts, that anything will change with you? That is the primary reason I am not in favor of “meditations” that simply alter your mind and space you out while you are practicing them. They don’t change anything.

Like taking pills, they make you feel good for a bit and then you come back to reality and realize that drinking something, smoking something, or ingesting something is an easier way to alter your mind without really changing anything than practicing meditation is – and there you go.

On the flip-side, which is what I have found to work very well for me in my own person life:

If I am feeling off balance I usually ask myself why. Typically it is because I feel something is lacking in my life. So then, the solution becomes placing my mind into a space as dynamically as possible that would allow me to feel what it would be like if I was actually experiencing what I felt I was lacking to begin with. Usually I will understand the structures in though that act as resistance as soon as I begin the process of placing my mind into unknown territory that I wish to define and experience. At that point I am able to more deeply understand where I am, why, and even a set of actions I can to if my desire to experience what I think I want is sincere. In other words, it reveals truth – and with truth, a lot changes! I sincerely wish everyone reading this the very best!

Paul

Sexual Magic

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

If you’ve ever watched the ocean, or any body of water for that matter you may have noticed it’s constant movement.  Water’s never still, unless frozen to a temperature called absolute zero, in which there’s no longer any particle movement.  On the surface, depending on external conditions the waves and tides of a large body of water ebb and flow.  Under the surface lays an even greater force.  A force so powerful that is can move mountains and cut away everything in its path!

In many ways our emotions mirror the way the water behaves.  Including loneliness.  Think about it for a few moments or longer…

What is it?  Is it that gripping feeling that ransacks our minds with desperation when nobody’s around , especially when it’s dark outside?  What about that gut wrenching feeling of total mis-understanding and isolation from your partner when there’s no logical reason for it?  Maybe it’s that force that brings a frown to your brow when you see a couple who looks as though they just made love for the very first time while you feel many miles away in a scorching dessert trying to find the strength to take another step in seemingly endless hostile territory?  Could that be it?  Maybe it’s the thought of growing old all alone. Life passing you by without ever finding the holy grail of passion.  Does that make sense, could it?

Loneliness can be a lot of things for a lot of people.  We’ve just about all felt it at times.  And when you’re in those times, what do you want?

Connection?  Feeling whole?  Being part of?  Being included?  Having?  Being orgasmic?  Having value?

Many of us have wallowed in isolation and heart crushing loneliness.  Many of us have felt completely off balance as a result of loneliness.  Left unchecked, loneliness seems to create what I call the endless cycle of despair.  I’ve been there and it’s not fun.

Not to be overtly stoic, but I can recall moments of wishing death upon myself because the pain and drudgery of loneliness became so overwhelming.  And actions taken from a space of loneliness only seemed to perpetuate more of the same!

Unlike some others, I didn’t have the determination to actually go with inflicting a physical death upon myself.  I didn’t think that would really change anything for the better and when I had enough loneliness,  I became determined to find a more fulfilling way.

It was easy to rationalize that things just didn’t work out.  Relationships weren’t fulfilling, quick sex was just that and rarely made a difference, meditation was a band aid for a wound that hemorrhaged, but there had to be something!

Tantric.  Embracive.  Nurturing.  Sensual, Sexual, Erotic.  Inclusive.  Loving.  Fulfilling – and a few more that you may be able to think of…

At the crest of the of the low, I discovered Erotic Meditation, or Personal Tantric!  At first I didn’t know what I was doing and the loneliness turned to frustration.  What I did know is that I decided it was time to embrace all of me, including the erotic urges and desires that did not seem to have a fulfilling place to go.

For the first couple weeks there was only frustration.  Something I realized that I walked around with.  Something I brought into relationships of all sorts.  Something more than 12 years of searching did not seem to completely reveal to me until I decided to include my sexual side.  Interesting…Perhaps it was the source…

Fast forward a few months and life took on a new meaning!  I understood that I always have a choice to tap in and give my erotic side a fulfilling place to go!  What a miracle!  I almost couldn’t believe what was happening!

I will spare you the details of how I arrived here (but know this was big enough for me to put a fitness yoga career on the back burner and facilitate Tantric Yoga full time – and help others get there as well on many levels), but I will key you in on some of the observations and APPLICATIONS that I’ve been able to realize:

If we allow it, emotions, feelings, thoughts, and the idea of personality or identity can behave like water – with fluidity ebbing and flowing.  We can let go of what doesn’t feel good and notice positive physical results!

Thoughts and ideas have a resonance in the body.  They can open us up to feeling great or they can shut our internal energy systems down and create feelings of disconnect.

When lonely, we have an overwhelming urge to connect – usually with another person and rather often in an intimate way.  Holding that though when there’s no one there doesn’t feel good!

When I let go of wanting a connection with someone else and became willing to find that connection within myself the world changed for me.  More people wanted to be around me without me doing anything different, and the loneliness was in my head the whole time.  Just a trip!

Maybe this seems a bit far-fetched – and then again, maybe this seems right on…

The illusion of loneliness (to me) is that it’s only there as long as I choose to hold onto it.  When I let it go and flow, it passes.  It’s only as real as I make it…What about you?

Paul

Loneliness and Connection

Are you connected to a sense of disconnect and disconnected with a sense of connection?

This may seem like a trick question, however it is very real. If you were to ask yourself what feeling you feel most connected to now what comes up~

This is Valentines Day ~ a day where love is in the air for some – and a time for the magnification of loneliness for others. Personally, I feel this day is like any other day. I feel as though we all have the choice to connect with our feelings, or run from our feelings.

I also feel that for many of us, that choice manifests in doing anything and everything possible to avoid being in an being with thoughts, emotions and feelings that are often perceived as “negative” – simply because they hurt.

–> Take for example, Loneliness <–

What happens when that feeling surfaces? I know for me, when loneliness used to come to the surface, I would do what I could, action-wise to take as many steps as possible to “get past” the feeling. Going on various hunts and searches to pacify the sensation. Often, the journeys I embarked upon to stave off being lonely were rather consuming – and at best acted to temporarily pacify the sensation. I am referring to it as a sensation because it was something, like all emotions, that could be felt in my body. These journeys, however, did little to end the feeling – as it was the feeling, the loneliness, that acted as the fuel for my actions and thoughts when I was doing what I could to run from it. There was a point (when I began practicing what I refer to as {edited} that I realized that as long as I held onto the feeling from within I was going to go without.

There was many things I realized on the initial journey my mind took me to throughout the my personal {edited}. One of the realizations was that the feelings I will refer to as “darkness” – the emotions I ran from, had an important message for me. As I embraced the darkness within, I was able to realize the powerful message these feelings had – and as a result, the process of letting go and naturally feeling a new set of feelings rising from within began to replace those I once ran from. This resulted in an understanding of emotion that was previously hidden from me.

It was the journey though the internal darkness that allowed me to consciously connect with that which I ran from and in turn allow more natural connections to occur, on many levels, in my life. So the question I bid you to inquire of yourself:

What is the hidden message of the darkness you wish to rid your life of?

Paul