Going beyond yourself…when healthy relationships are a starting point…
A few weeks ago I wrote, in relatively vivid detail, about an Out Of Body (obe) experience that I was thrust into at the tender age of 18. It was an experience that altered my perception of life. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been writing about the idea of healthy relationships — a emotional and intimately personal endeavor that began when the pain of staying the same became greater than the discomfort often associated with intentional transformation.
Could it be, that for the past three weeks I’ve been paving way for what I’m about to share with you here an now? Would you believe that by repairing the relationship you have with yourself could lead to healthy relationships in just about all aspects of your life — and more? From a personal perspective, I tend to think that when someone works on the relationship they have with themselves by facing that which causes you to suffer- and staying with it (the pain) long enough to embrace the feelings you run from, you end up healing that which causes you to ail. From personal experience, I feel that process paves way for healthy relationships with others, on all levels.
While the idea of healthy relationships isn’t rocket science…I never, not in this lifetime, would have guessed what intense erotic energy coupled with a healthy relationship could deliver…
Before, however, I go any further into the process of sharing with you another experience that has caused me to abandon much of what I thought I knew about life (and especially limitations) – A disclaimer, of sorts is in order. Prior to the evening I had my out of body experience, the idea of such a thing hadn’t even entered my thought process. It was random. Unpredictable. As with many of the experiences I think a person has in life, what I’m about to explain was also a completely unpredictable experience, that in no way, could I plan to replicate. I’ve had a handful of experiences in my life that many would consider paranormal, or outside of the comfort zone of what our society at large, considers acceptable. None of those experiences were planned. They all happened completely on their own timeline — as if guided by a hand that has remained unseen in this world, which we tend to think of as tangible and real.
For those of you who are wondering why I would bring such a disclaimer up, it’s pretty simple. Mystical, paranormal, out of body, near death experiences, or anything else you could think to call an experience that pierces the veil of the known in this world — is a process that happens on it’s own. They can’t be planned — and for the most of us, they simply don’t happen at will. So just because I took a certain amount to steps and ended up going somewhere I didn’t plan on, doesn’t mean that what I experienced is a road map, etched in concrete, for others seeking similar experiences.
That being stated…what I’m have to share is a detailed experience I had, in which sexual energy acted as a catalyst to pierce the veil of the normal world — taking me on a wild journey that was exactly as if, I were at two places at the same time. Unlike the out of body experience, I had an awareness that I was going on a journey — and when it got a bit to strange for me (the point where I got scared) I was able to make my way back to the area of being here now, in this world.
Now, for a detailed account, of one of the most “kinky” nights of my entire life.
Living in South Florida, it rarely gets really cold. Last winter was no exception. It was January 11th, 2011 — and I had vowed to start the year off in a memorable way. Most notably, I had become determined to accept life on life’s terms without becoming frustrated (too much) by the aspects of life that I didn’t think were going my way. Namely, the woman whom I had been expressing my interest in for close to two years, didn’t seem interested in me in the way I was her, and I was finally at peace with letting go and moving on. Life, however, had other plans for me.
More than likely, I had gone to a yoga class earlier that day and decided I was going to take it easy that night. My roommate (the woman I have been discussing) called me to let me know she was on her way home and wondered where I was — as well as what my plans were. I told her that I was home…upon which she replied I had better stay put because she was on her way and had something to tell me. I knew where she was earlier that night, which was a place I didn’t personally approve of — nor did I care for the company she was in, but that was not really my place to let her know these personal opinions. I just accepted what she had to say and agreed to be home. Shortly after the phone conversation commenced, the door opened and there she was — looking as beautiful as ever.
Just the sight of her was enough to set off a certain set of reactions within, and that night was no different, in that aspect. What was different, however, was the shy (which she isn’t at all) grin and demeanor she coyly floated my way while starting a conversation laced with sexual innuendos of sorts. This bait, of course, was something I simply couldn’t resist, so I decided to engage in the conversation — with more than a casual curiosity, just to see what might happen. That, however, didn’t get too far. I was abruptly told, with the tone of an angry school teacher, to “Shut Up Paul” pretty much, as soon as I started talking. Entertained (as I like that kind of role play with certain people) I decided not to even entertain the thought of an argument…
Soon after, we were embracing — holding each other close. Both of us were completely dressed. She had her face tightly buried in my shoulder and we were simply holding each other. As I was holding her, smelling her, feeling her warmth — I was also becoming more and more aware of the sensations stirring within. The familiar sexual fire I had often felt and associated with her was back again. But this time it was different. Strange. She wouldn’t look at me. She wouldn’t talk to me, and I sensed that she too, was feeling the same sexual electricity that I was. We gravitated towars the couch so we could lay down….
Once on the couch, it was more of the same. We were holding each other, not saying anything, not kissing, not fondling, not undressing — not that much more than just holding. What many could think of as a peculiar and somewhat torturous encounter. To me, the common (if such a thing exists) sexual encounter follows a somewhat linear path. It starts with interest, communication, more interest, desire, feeling sexual, holding, touching — then some kissing, clothing coming off and then you know the rest of the story.
Point being, in those linear encounters, usually, a mutual feeling (gives the take charge person) the cue to initiate action, taking things one step at a time until orgasm has been reached. The experience I was having, that night was quite different. There was definitely desire, sensation and sexual energy stirred up — but there wasn’t a physical progression. We were just holding each other and staying on the couch, moving with the energy and feelings. Internally, things were most certainly progressing, so to speak. Externally, on the other hand, there was very little that seemed to be happening – and every time I made a motion or went to speak I was told, with an impish (and mischievous) tone -”No.”
Being as such, I decided to let go of any further attempts to control or guide the experience in the conditioned way I had grown to expect encounters in which sexual feelings between mutual partners to go. Simply stated, I was just going to go with the flow – to the best of my ability. So…I decided to close my eyes and let the sensations within my body go on a journey all by themselves, much like what I had discovered how to do in the Soulistic Touch erotic meditation that I shared about, in detail, previously.
Well. That’s when “things” started to get a bit uncommon. One of the things I figured out how to do in the process of “Soulistic Touch” was learning how to “ride” feelings, utilizing the energy gererated from erotic sensation, to internally open up an entirely new landscape. Based on my initial experience, I had discovered that erotic energy, when magnified enough, could create the sensations of “energetic orgasm” within the body. More specifically, I learned that in order for that to happen, it helped to allow the body to behave on it’s own accord, moving as it felt fit, in the moment, from one moment to the next.
As I decided to let go and go with the flow, I also decided that I was going to allow my body to move rhythmically with the feelings I was experiencing and to just close my eyes and let whatever was going to unfold just unfold as it would. As I loosened up and let myself move, as if I were making love, the first thing that happened was an intensification of erotic energy. Somehow, that night, there did not seem to be a roof on sensation…
Next, I was feeling a strange tightness in the area in my forehead that “those in the know’ would consider to be the “third eye” — it was a tightness that coincided with the erotic energy I was feeling. At that point, I was squinting my facial muscles because the feelings were more intense than I was accustomed to and that seemed to be the most natural way to handle it. When things did not subside I felt that eventually, something, I wasn’t quite certain what, would have to give…
Exactly how what happened next happened, I don’t quite know, as the how, is a bit hazy. What I do remember (as a kick off the the “real” experience) is becoming alarmed to say something along the lines of “What are you doing?!” only to get the answer “What are you talking about?” in response. Well, being as verbal communication was useless, I went back into the feelings and visions I had started having. The feeling was that I was partially in the room, in embrace and mostly, consciously at least, in another place.
In detail, I “saw” an old hand made wooden table that hadn’t been stained or treated with anything. I was standing on a rouge wood floor in an old, stone house in what appeared to be, the kitchen. Outside, tied up, there were a couple of horses. Somehow I got the idea that the horses were used for transportation, and this place I was having a vision of was in a time before the time and space the physical body I occupy now, was situated.
In that vision I was making love with a brunette woman who was dressed (partially) in what I could only consider an old, somewhat plain, full dress with a white collar and cuffs around the wrists. I could feel her. I loved her very much, and the I was not the me I am in today. The I was a guy who came from a different place, in a different time with a different look. Oddly enough, though, we were somehow surprisingly connected in a way I was not familiar with that seemed perfectly natural. I was aware of his presence, and what he was doing (making love) as if I were him, and he was aware of my presence, and what I was doing, as if, he were me. Then on another thought, I felt that I realized — that somehow, I had pierced some sort of veil with erotic energy that this person I was seeing, also pierced through, with sexual energy.
I was in a place that didn’t have time. For all I knew, (it was possibly a figment of my imagination) this person I was experiencing in this vision had physically died a long time ago, but the place that we had both tapped into was a place in which time, as we think we know it, simply doesn’t exist.
I was kind of wierded out at that point. I knew what I was doing, but that vision was too real to be part of my imagination. It was nothing like a daydream. It was more like reality. Yet, I knew where I was and what I was doing. I think the way I was responding was sending a message of fear to my other half (of the experience) and again, I was told to just go with it.
That’s when things started to get really strange:
Already in an altered space, it was pretty easy for me to continue to have visions and go deeply back into the space where I had been. Mind you, physically, we were, still just in embrace. Then there was a period of travel. It was night, and it was as if I were floating through the air. The sky was black with clouds and I could make out images of what seemed to be pyramids. Beyond the pyramids was what I construed to be a group of people, who came into my mind more like a force. This force, however made even the darkest of dark nights feel safe. It was all knowing. It was genius. It was ancient and modern at the same time and it was (is) a force that has manifested people who walk among us here on Earth, today, in this world we all share.
They were aware of my presence. I attempted to hide and become preoccupied by focusing on other things, but to no avail. They knew I was there and they were directly addressing me. I made reference to a person in my life whom I feel epitomizes a science that, if good and holy existed, exemplified that, but I was directly told they are not interested in that person.
Before I go further, so you, the reader don’t just assume that I’m bat shit crazy at this point, I feel it important to communicate that I simply cannot think of any choice of words, to use, to accurately describe that part of the experience. It was very real, and the communication that seemed to be transpiring was more on a level of knowing — which is much different than communicating with another person by using your voice to talk. Of course, you are going to draw what ever conclusion you choose, but I just want to do what I can to clarify this event was internal, vivid, and as seemingly real as it was, it was largely expressed in symbolism.
That being said – and me feeling completely exposed to a dark force that was just as clever as the “light” (perhaps two sides of the same coin) I became fearful. I was kind of certain my own death was not far away and I began to mentally prepare. It was that intense.
Becoming noticeably shaken, opening my eyes, I became quite questionable of what my partner was doing to me. I didn’t know where she was, what journey she was on, but I knew things were wild beyond what I felt comfortable communicating with her at that point.
We both sat up. I must have looked like a fawn in the headlights, as there was no hiding my uncertainty about everything that seemed to be. She was then holding me and I put my head in her lap. She started rubbing my forehead and again, I went internally, into a completely different space. I was in a room that was seemingly ancient. It was underground that the walls were made of stone. Somehow, I had the impression it was a room underneath a pyramid. There was an intricate circle carved into the floor and on the inside of the circle there was a series of detailed geometrical patterns. They traced the inside of the circle. Inside of that, there was another circle. Inside of that circle, there seemed to be two triangles intersecting each other. Again, there seemed to be beings in this room with me. They too, seemed to surpass the hands of time. It was a place that simply was. Beyond time and beyond what’s here now. Somehow, I had the inclination I was to be initiated in some strange way. I felt a jewel was being placed (implanted) into my forehead that that I was I was being softly spoken to as though I were a newborn child.
Once again, the whole thing became a bit overwhelming to me and I, that time, had had it. I sat up and looked my partner in the eyes quite directly and ask her what she was doing. Looking at me as if I were crazy, she calmly told me, in between innocent giggles, that I looked like a baby and she was soothing me. At that stage, I just didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know where she had been — and I was, to say the least, ultra sensitized. Everything was magnified. Touch, smell, sound, thought and overall feeling. It was so real. In so many ways, it was challenging for me to grasp in any sense what was happening.
On one hand, it was an experience no less significant than the out of body experience I had had earlier on in my life — while on the other hand — it was, so far, the most intense sexual experience I had ever had in my lifetime — and we weren’t even undressed. The rest of the evening was equally intense and interesting as the experience did proceed to a more physical experience. Most notably, (what I feel comfortable mentioning here) I felt that I could feel her even when direct contact wasn’t being made. The sense was more of a linking of minds — that continued throughout the night.
Speaking of healthy relationships…the aftermath…
The aftermath thus far, at the time of this writing has been a one year together “anniversary” — as well as a further opening of the mind. Could it be, that so many of us are hopelessly locked into thinking about sexual energy only in ways that temporarily satiates a physical hungering that prevents us from experiencing so much more in our lives, in so many ways? That was one question that came to mind after that night.
I started to realize how men and women alike, regardless of sexual preference or gender identity, seem to become trapped in a web of their own self serving desires. When we don’t know better, unconsciously we seem to find ways to attempt to impose our will on another person whom we feel, can touch us, so deeply, in a way that stokes something inside. Flames that once fanned, seem to only consume more and more. Flames powerful enough to consume an entire life…when left unchecked.
The purpose for me to share is singular. I wish to inspire others to get out the way of the addictions they hold so tight, with such conviction — that, even if it’s just for just a moment…to think — and realize, we are only but drops and an ocean. An ocean so vast we cannot even see beyond the horizon from this vantage point. Are your addictions, when it comes to so much (including sex) really worth your life? Extra-ordinary experiences are as unpredictable as a sudden change in weather, they cannot be anticipated and they don’t seem to give any time for preparation. I believe we’re all able to have them — it’s just a matter of being ready, willing and open. Are you?
PS – The practice I have made reference to, Soulistic Touch, is available in oBook format here.